The Big Hairy Thing
by Amano Unmei
Summary: [Completed.] Arthas has reached the Frozen Throne - what will happen now? Is Illidan alive? And most of it, what is that thing that fell from the sky...?
1. Crisis from the Sky

OK everyone, this little piece is supposed to be funny. Partly even PWP. Short information about the fic:  
  
**based on the idea by Rufus Shinra**  
  
**Type:** Action/Adventure/Humour  
**Rating:** G  
**Warnings:** might contain a few swear words  
**Disclaimer:** Amano owns only a few jokes from this fic, and not even all... The characters and the world belong to Blizzard Entertainment, except the Big Hairy Think, which is copyrighted by Rufus Shinra.  
  
The joke marked as ***** is copyrighted by **Shirogane Tenshi**.  
  
Let's ze go! 

* * *

  
The birhgt sun shone high. It gave that kind of light that could blind, the light that had no shadow. It wasn't yellow, nor white - it was something between transparent silver and gold. It reflected from everything around, including itself.  
  
The rays rushed from the skies and crushed at the icy construction of a tower. he bounced and headed in the opposite direction to meet something else and return to the very top of the icy tower. Right there, in the place, where all light stops, stood a throne. It was made of ice as everything around it. It was cold and brought chills to every living creature that saw it, on body and soul. Not many could approach it without a single thought of turning back.  
  
One it contained an imprisoned, tormented soul with no shape, therefore no physical poewr. Nevertheless, it had great spiritual force that shook the very world, and using it, it created a magnificent weapon. Thanks to his summoning powers, his most faithful servant and the determination of a mortal mind, the orc Ner'zhul was finally freed.  
  
His saviour and most powerful servant - his champion - was actually the first mortal that reached this place. Once human, he has fallen to the power of Ner'zhul and slaughtered in his name. Facing a crisis, he came here to release his lord. Now he, Arthasm has finally taken his crown and sits on his rightful throne.  
  
The Frozen Throne.  
  
They were one, and unstoppable being. They will rule over this, and soon many otger worlds. He and the Lich King. Forever as one.  
  
Arthas laughed loudly, without any particular reason. He was just kind of celebrating his triumph over the other races. He collected glorious victories one after another. Firts the death of Uther, Antonidas and his father allowed him to fully control the kingdom of Lordaeron. He would have it anyway, for he was the rightful heir, but this way he could do everything the way the Lich King Ner'zhul wanted. Then came the revived Kel'Thuzad and fall of Quel'Thalas. Those foolish elves still try to avenge it... And many other successful actions that led him straight to the throne. Even the allied forces of humans, night elves, dwarves and orcs couldn't stop him. Kil'jaeden's command given to the Blood Elves and Naga only brought doom to their leader, Illidan...  
  
He laughed again. What a fool Illidan was, duelling him at the very heart of the Scourge. He had no chance at all, so now he can be a perfect example of what happens to enemies of undead. Let his body be eaten by Wendigo... at least his relatives will have nothing to mourn at.  
  
'Now that I have the power of the Lich King...' he thought. 'WHat should I do? Hmm, I think I will attract Kil'jaeden's attention by crushing that rebel in the Capitol... I sure haven't seen Kel'huzad for a lon-'  
  
He paused. He could hear something hissing above his head. Strange... he looked up to see a clear sky. When he made several steps down on the icy staircase, a huge shade covered the whole tower. He gulped loudly and looked up again, a shade of doubt appearing on his face.  
  
It was quickly replaced by a dreadful expression, as Arthas has spotted a giant, quite round object that was quickly approaching him. No one in Azeroth has reported such things before, but the remaining of animal instincts told Arthas that it's nothing good. He rushed down as fast as he could, jumping several steps at once. He didn't trip - he simply had no time.  
  
He was half way down, hen the object, usually called a "meteor", but Arthas - as any prince - never payed attention to his tutors, hit the Frozen Throne.  
  
The tower exploded.  
  
Anub'arak raised his head.  
  
'What's going on up there?' he asked.  
  
The necromancer that was standing next to him narrowed his eyes and looked up, at the blinding sun, just to be crushed a second later by a falling Arthas.  
  
Anub'arak sighed seeing the king's legs sticking out of the ground and shook his head. He waved at other necromancer, so they'll pull him out. To say that Arthas was eating dust wasn't a good idea.  
  
'Are you all right, Death Knight?' asked the beattl, when the king was spitting mud out of his mouth.  
  
'Yes, of course.' he answered, wiping mud out of his eyes. 'There's just this minor drawback of the Frozen Throne exploding. But who'd bother about it, right?'  
  
Anub'arak blinked. The king straightened up, revealing the crushed necromancer in an Arthas-shaped hole. Everyone ignored it and left him laying there, to be found centuries later by dwarven miners and become bones of an acient type of a snail.  
  
The king gazed at the field of dying flames in a deep pit below. The object that destroyed the Throne was stuck in the ground, with many cracks on it's surface. Some escaped through them.  
  
'What the bloody hell is this?' Arthas asked.  
  
'It's a meteor, Death Knight.' Anub'arak answered. 'They never fell in the history of Azeroth, but do it in Draenor quite often. You're lucky you survived.'  
  
'But the Throne...'  
  
Suddenly they heard a loud crack. The meteor broke in two, revealing...  
  
'What is this...?'  
  
The thing that came out was very huge. It would reach the Throne with two or three steps. It had loads of long fur that was dragged behind and gathered snow, stones, rocks and acolytes it met on it's way. It's claws weren't sharp, but long and big enought to tear an adult Wendigo. It had no teeth, and the yellow cat eyes glittered in the sunlight.  
  
And it was bubblegum-pink.  
  
'OH MY LICH KING, IT'S _PINK_!!!' Arthas breathed. 'What is this monster?!'  
  
'I may not be good in naming things,' Anub'arak replied 'but as for me, it looks like a... big, hairy... thing.'  
  
They both stared petrified and watched the monster approach the biggest building in the new undead main base. It went unstoppable, acolyte, abominations and necromancers running out of it's way and tripping at each other. The pink creature sank into the wall of the building, crushing it. Silngle bricks fell down - one of them hit a ghoul straight at the head. Slowly, the whole construction was collapsing.  
  
'My Citadel!!!' Athas cried, running a few steps forward, but he stopped, when he noticed that it can't be helped. The builing was lost. 'My Citadel...'  
  
Suddenly the knight grabbed his sword and rushed towards the pink horror. He was running faster than ever, even faster than his bony cow, and reached the monster, drawing the Frostmourne on his way. Somehow he managed to jump very high, perhaps because an abomination tosse him, when he stepped on it's head, and sliced. A long sut ran through the creatures arm and blood spilled from it, colouring everything around in red.  
  
Arthas grinned, but his expression instantly vanished, when he noticed that the Thing ignored it. It went on, crushing a slaughterhouse, a graveyard and three temples. It slowly walked towards the horizon, leaving a distaster area behind.  
  
Silence fell.  
  
'Holy cow...' the king murmured. His steed turned it's head to him.  
  
'Muh?'*  
  
'Oh, shut up...' Arthas sighed.'Whatever that thing is, it can't cross the ocean. Therefore it's stuck here in Northrend...'  
  
Anub'arak approached him. 'Is that good, Death Knight?'  
  
'Beats me...' he waved his hand to an acolyte. 'Get as many of you as you can and repair the damages. Use all the resources you need. I want it to be done as soon as possible.'  
  
The acolyte bowed. 'Thy will be done.' And he walked, or should I say floated away.  
  
Arthas turned to Anub'arak.  
  
'Whatever that thing is, it seems to have no brain. And I have a bad feeling it's invulnerable to physical damage...'  
  
'Maybe we should try to attack it with magic?' the beattle suggested.  
  
'We don't have mages powerful enough. Even together their spells aren't too effective. Not while confronting such a thing.'  
  
'If only we knew something about it...'

***

  
Few days later, in Kalimdor...  
  
'Shan'do!' Shandris cried running towards the druid. 'Shan'do!!!'  
  
'What's happened?' Furion asked nervously.  
  
'A messenger of the Blood Elves arrived.. he reported that your brother... is dead!!!'  
  
'WHAT?!' Furion and Tyrande shouted at once.  
  
'Illidan is dead?!' the pristess breathed.  
  
'They said he went to duel Arthas, and is nowhere to be found...'  
  
Shan'do's jaw fell open. He gazed dumbly at his beloved, and she returned the stare. Furion slightly shook his head, slowly from right to left, and said:  
  
'This can't be...'  
  
'Illidan... couldn't die...' Tyrande added.  
  
A Blood Elf with long, almost white hair approached them. He was wearing a light armour made of thin iron plates, coloured with red and gold. He also had a long woven cape and a wooden staff. He was a priest, undoubtably.  
  
'I am afraid that is true, great druid.' he said. His voice showed true sorrow and a shade of anger. 'Our scouts were scouring the area around the Frozen Throne as best as they could, but...'  
  
The earth shook and all of them fell silent.  
  
'A quake?' Shandris ased. 'We never had them in these lands...'  
  
Tyrande held out her right hand and produced a transparent, golden brown owl. The ethereal anmal looked at them with it's unexisting, smart eyes and took off into the sky.  
  
'It's not a mere quake.' the priestess said after a moment. 'Something enormous is heading our way!!'  
  
They fled just in time to avoid being smashed by the Big Hairy Thing. It passed by, water dripping from it's long fur, leaving a corridor of crushed lumber behind. Furion peeked from the untouched trees to notice that the monster was holding something tight in it's palm.  
  
'What is that...?' Shandris breathed.  
  
'I don't know...' Tyrande replied. 'But don't tell me it just... crossed the _ocean_...'  
  
The Thing vanished from view and the three of them stood silent. none had the finest idea what had just passed them, but all knew it was unbelievable even as for a dream. Each of them tried to convince himself he hasn't seen what he just has, but none spoke.  
  
Suddenly the heard a loud sound, like if something hit the ground. It came from the direction the Thing was heading. Perhaps it dropped whatever it was holding...  
  
They all rushed there, not caring about what might happen, and frose, when they say what made the sound.  
  
The usually green grass was now shining dark red in the sunlight. The pool of blood covered a huge area around the wounded person. He had a very deep, long cut from his right arm through his chest. He was panting and moaning, just like if ate wanted him to suffer and left him laying there to be found in agony. He gazed around with his unseeing eyes.  
  
Illidan Stormrage.  
  
'By Elune...' Tyrande whispered as Furion approached his brother through the red pool. The priest followed and did his best to heal his lord as much as he could.  
  
After a few moments, te Hunter rose, almost completely cured, just a little red.  
  
'Thank you...' he said to the elf. The priest bowed. 'Brother...' the demon sighed.  
  
Shan'do smiled. 'Good to see you again, Illidan.'  
  
'Wish I could say the same...' the elf laughed darkly.  
  
'What happened, Illidan?' Tyrande asked approaching them.  
  
'Priestess, your robes...' Shandris said. 'This blood won't come off easily, you'll get the Wisps loads of work...'  
  
'Oh, don't worry, I was going to get myself a new one anyway. This is getting so old-fashined, I'm wearing the same style for thirteen thousand years, you know...'  
  
'Yes, I understand, but before you get it you must wear something, priestess...'  
  
And as they chatted like this, the Stormrage brothers stood aside stubbed and sweatdropping.  
  
'So what has happened, Illidan...?' Furion breathed.  
  
'I duelled Arthas.' the blind answered flatly. 'And you should know the rest.'  
  
'He reached the Throne.'  
  
'Yeah.'  
  
'We're in trouble.'  
  
'Yeah.'  
  
'We're dead.'  
  
'Yeah.'  
  
'Oh, my goddess.'  
  
'Yeah...'  
  
Illidan shook his head fiercly and said, this time normally:  
  
'Why am I back here anyway?'  
  
'Well, how should I put it...' the druid thought deeply. 'Something brought you here.'  
  
The priest behind them held his laugh. He was lacking air badly, but still he fought the urge to just explode. The Hunter didn't notice.  
  
'What thing?' he demanded.  
  
'Well, it was big, and had a lot of hair... and was, well... just a huge thing.'  
  
'Oh, really...'  
  
'Yeah.'  
  
'It brought me from _Northrend_?'  
  
'Yep.'  
  
'Through the _ocean_?'  
  
'Seems so.'  
  
There was a moments silence, interrupted only by the fierce conversation of girls behind them.  
  
Furion decided to continue:  
  
'It was cute and pink.'  
  
Illidan't expression could be compared to that of someone, who;s just seen a chiken in red and green stipes dancing waltz.  
  
'Bye Elune...' he managed to say. 'What in Azeroth in that...?'  
  
'Beats me...'  
  
The demon growled and turned to the priest.  
  
'What are _you_ laughing at?!' he shouted. The girl ignored him, and the Blood Elf was simply rolling on the ground. Illidan grownled again.  
  
'Is it just me, or am I being totally ignored?'  
  
Shan'do tore his eyes away from the butterfly he was watching.  
  
'Did you say something, brother?'  
  
'&*%^$@^$@%$@*^(@^$#!!'  
  
'Sorry, can you transcript those funky marks to evlish?'  
  
'Fuck it, Furion, why is everyone ignoring me?!'  
  
Silence.  
  
'They are?'  
  
'Like _whatever_... listen here, priest, I do find _nothing_ funny here!!'  
  
'We do!' Tyrande laughed.  
  
'Oh, pu-lease... I'll just go get a nap somewhere...' Illidan started to walk. 'Like at the bottom of the ocean...

***

  
'Everything is prepared, Death Knight.' Anub'arak announced.  
  
Arthas surveyed the dark port. It didn't look anything like a port, to tell you the truth. All it really was were several wooden desks that tried to act like a dock and one black ship. It would easily play the part of a ghost ship in any Hollywood movie.  
  
The king sighed.  
  
'Care to go with me, Anub'arak?'  
  
The beattle shook his head.  
  
'My place is in the ruins, Death Knight.' the breeze hit their faces with it's salty scent. 'I will stay, but my Nerubians are at your command.'  
  
Arthas smiled and headed towards the ship. At the end of the improvised dock he turned to the beattle.  
  
'You are a loyal friend, Anub'arak.' he jumped at the deck. 'Hope we'll meet again!'  
  
And through the next few minutes, when the frozen coast was still visible, the knight was standing on the deck and waving. WHen Northrend vanished behind the watery horizon, he sighed again.  
  
Suddenly he heard silent voices behind him. He turned around, his hand on the Frostmourne.  
  
An acolyte.  
  
'What is that you're holding?'  
  
The acolyte had a small, greay, metalic box in his right hand. It was linked with a thin rope of some kind to the bearer's head... no, a little bow he had on his head. The tips were placed in the acolyte's ears.  
  
'Oh, this... This, my king, is the latest goblin invention. They call it walk-goblin or something...'  
  
'A what...?' Arthas blinked.  
  
'I don't remember...' the servant acted nervous. 'It plays music.'  
  
'Music?'  
  
'Um, yes, music. I haven't got the finest idea how did they do it, but it plays music without musicians or instruments.'  
  
The king was getting more and more confused, so he just remained silent. The musci lover continued:  
  
'One song can be played a hundret times over and over, my lord. It's like it was stored in this box.'  
  
'Wow... and what were you listening to?' Arthas asked, a little suspiciously.  
  
'Oh, yes... Um, it's just a small group... of four bards... humans, my king...'  
  
'HUMANS?'  
  
The acolyte swallowed loudly.  
  
'Y-yes, but they are impressed by your power and the Scourge itself...'  
  
'Ah, really?'  
  
'They called themselves... Blight Guardian or something...'  
  
Arthas sighed.'  
  
'Right, whatever. Just keep on working and you can listen to your funky box, I want to get to Lordaeron by next week. And turn the volume down!'

***

  
Thus each of the world's most important heroes returned to his plans for the future in this devastating war. They will bring death freedom, power and salvation. But none of the remembered, that the mysterious monster, the crisis from the sky, was walking forth towards the sundown. These lands, so new to it, were a wonderful view and it's big chance.  
  
The Big Hairy Thing went on...  
  
    **End of chapter one**


	2. The Crisis Spreads

I guess this turned out less funny than the firts one... Sorry! I'll fix it!!  
  
I just wish to know if someone reads it... no one reviewed so far... T_T  
  


* * *

  
Kel'Thuzad yawned. No researcher had found it possible so far, but the Lich didn't pay too much attention to them and kept yawning. This was a very boring time in Lordaeron, the land some began to name as the Kingdom of the Scourge. Afte all it was true, he wintessed the crowning... Well, not exactly, more like _announcing_ the king. In any case, King Arthas wasn't present here by now. And all his duties now had to be filfilled by him - Kel'Thuzad.  
  
The biggest problem were the rebels in the Capitol. His own troops had to protect their... well, lives. But now, as he felt the outstanding power from the north, his undead gained new courage and moitivation. They were ready to crush the betrayers of the Scourge.   
  
Those demons... Arthas never trusted dreadlords. Seems that he was right. And that old bitch, Sylvanas... "Dark Ranger" she called herself. Taking all the banshee to her side. Kel'Thuzad never liked elves, especially the high ones. How did they name themselves? Ah, the Blood Elves... All are fools. No one can oppose the Scourge and get away with it.  
  
But now that the troops were preapring, he had absolutely nothing to do. And it lasted for at least seven days, he stopped counting already.  
  
'How long will this last?' he asked a necromancer, sighing loudly.  
  
'I don't know, Lich, there's no way to hasten some of our troops.'  
  
'Why?'  
  
'Abominations.'  
  
Kel'Thuzad wanted to sigh again, but he dismissed this plan, when he felt something.  
  
An enormous source of power was heading towards them. It was incoming very fast, and in a second the ground began to shake.  
  
'What the...' the Lich began to say. He didn't finish the question, and the answer he knew.  
  
The Big Hairy Thing came.  
  
'By the Lich King!!'  
  
He rushed out of it's way, as well as the rest of his undead. The monster went on unstopably. It seemed to have no particular path to follow or goal to reach. It just kept on walking forward.  
  
And smashed everything on it's way.  
  
'Protect the wagons!!!' Kel'Thuzad cried. 'Get them out of the way!!!'  
  
Much to his relief, most of the meat wagons - the Scourge main siege weapon, what's funniest - were saved. Abd the monster didn't stop.  
  
'It's heading towards the Capitol...' a crypt fiend announced. 'If it goes on like this...'  
  
'It will smash everything...' Kel'Thuzad finished. If he could, he'd grin. 'The rebel will be shattered...' he laughed softly. 'What an interesting coincidence...' then he turned to his troops and asked loudly: "Anyone injured?'  
  
There was a wave of audiable 'no's and 'ah-ah's. The Lich sighed and turned to the direction the Thing took. It left deep trail after and there was no chance not to find it. Whatever it was, it gave the Scourge a big chance. He can't waste it.  
  
Let's follow it carefully.' he ordered. 'When it reaches the Capitol, we will strike right after it and Sylvanas will have no chance.' he paused and looked north. After a moment, he added: "For King Arthas.'  
  


*******

  
Furion didn't waste time and sent the Blood Elven priest back to Draenor to announce Illidan's return. Hearts of all his folowers were filled with great joy and relief, and soon prince Kael of the Blood Elves and Lady Vashj of the Naga joined their leader in Ashenvale.  
  
It took them only few hours to do so. And, when everything seemed calm and nice, a spellbreaker arrived.  
  
'Lord Illidan,' he began 'our scouts say they've seen Kil'jaeden at the eastern coast!'  
  
Kael and Vashj blinked. Illidan would do so as well, but he wasn't able to.  
  
'Kil'jaeden...' the mage spat. 'Here in Ashenvale...'  
  
'He's after me...' the Hunter said. 'It's got nothing to do with any of you.'  
  
'Furion smiled, although his brother couldn't see it. He patted Illidan few times onb the shoulder.  
  
'But it doesn't mean we don't want to be involved.'  
  
'Huh?'  
  
The druid laughed.  
  
'You alone can never defeat Kil'jaeden. I don't think that your troops would be of much help... But with us, brother, you'd have three armies at your side.  
  
'You think it's enough?' Kael asked.  
  
'It should be.' Tyrande replied. 'etter than nothing, though.'  
  
'Yeah...' added Vashj. 'Let's just hope Kil'jaeden doesn't gather a _new_ Legion...'  
  
Silence.  
  
'He won't... won't he?' Shandris asked slowly.  
  
Again silence.  
  
'In any case, we must be three times more careful.' Shan'do said. 'Not only Kil'jaeden is after Illidan, but also Maiev.' the Hunter growled at the sound of that name. 'And let's not forget,' the druid went on 'that the war with undead is not over yet.'  
  
Tyrande sighed loudly. 'And there's one more thing...' all eyes, even the blind ones, turned to her. 'The monster that brought Illidan here.'  
  
Vashj laughed. 'From what you told me, it's not a monster.'  
  
'Then what would _you_ call it?' the priestess asked irritated.  
  
'Um, I dunno... a... big hairy thing?'  
  


*******

  
'Varimathras!' Sylvanas shouted. 'Hurry up with the defences!!'  
  
The demon was standing on a balcony of the castle, in which once lived King Terenas of Lordaeron. Now the palace belonged to her, the Dark Ranger, who had the power to order a dreadlord. His brothers of the Nathrezim were dead and Arthas' troops had to flee. She controlled the Capitol of the Kingdom of the Scourge. It seemed so perfect two days ago.  
  
But now everything was upside-down.  
  
'I'm trying, my lady.' Varimathas replied. 'But it's getting hard because of this technology we stole from the Alliance...'  
  
Indeed, the dwarven siege engienes were way to slow. It took them half of the day to cross the city. And furthermore no one from Sylvanas' troops know how to operate them. When they run out of fuel, which is hard to get withour dwarves, the engines are useless.  
  
'We need a dwarf...' said the Ranger. 'Now.'  
  
Varimathras blinked.  
  
'Were are we going to get one in Lordaeron?'  
  
'You will find a way.' Sylvanas answered firmly. 'Or else I'm sending you to Khaz Modan on one of my arrows.'  
  
'Won't it break?'  
  
'Your problem.'  
  
The demon sighed. Sylvanas knew his abilities in battle and strategy, but whenever he tried to argue, he lost at the very beginning.  
  
'Then I prefer to cross the ocean on foot.'  
  
'Good luck to you.'  
  
The girl grinned and left the castle. She liked to walk on the Capitol streets without any path. All the green she loved so much - after all she was an elf formerly - has been killed by the blight ground undead need to survive. Even she. The plants couldn't stand such polution, but she had plans. It seems possible to get rid of some of the blight.  
  
Right now her mind was wandering everywhere. She thought about the day, when Arthas had destroyed Quel'Thalas and caused her so much pain. About what she was forced to do under Ner'zhul's control. And about Syl-  
  
She paused. The banshee that were now standing before her looked terrified. An expression of grief isn't anything abnormal for a banshee, but such dread was strnge even now. Before Sylvanas could ask what she wanted, something covered the sun, casting a huge shadow over them all. She slowly took an arrow and prepared herself to shoot. For the first moment she thought it might be something sent here by Kel'Thuzad, for she was sure that he will attack soon, but when she turned around...  
  
Her jaw fell open. Right before - or more like above - her stood the biggest pile of pink fur she ever imagined. It looked at her with cute, puppy-dog eyes with pupils narrow like those of a cat. It smiled and made a mew-like sound... and then reached for Sylvanas.  
  
'Hey!!!' the Ranger screamed as the hand grabbed her. Her bow broke under the pressure. 'Let me go!! VARIMATHRAS!!!'  
  
The demon was already on his way when he heard the call. He stopped petrified, when he saw the Big Hairy Thing holding his mistress. The banshee that witnessed the scene were also too shocked to act. Their silence was interrupted only by sounds of Sylvanas struggling.  
  
Thus the pink creature departed towards the horizon, hoping to find more cure playmates on the next lan it'll see. As for now, it was hugging it's new friend and mewing all the way to coasts of Khaz Modan.  
  


*******

  
'_How_ much?!'  
  
'Sorry, sir, we're having a crisis here and we can't lower the price.'  
  
The elf cursed loudly. 'I don't have that much gold...'  
  
'Rules are rules.' the goblind replied flatly. 'No gold, no transport.'  
  
'Maybe we should try to exchange something?' another elf, efineatly a priest, suggested.  
  
The first one ran his hand through his long golden locks and sighed deeply.  
  
'Like what?' he asked. 'You?'  
  
'How about some potions?' a sorceress asked.  
  
The goblin shook his head. 'Nope.'  
  
The first elf, now getting more and more angry, hit the desk with clenched fists. Much to his surprise, it didn't impress anyone, but he acted like he didn't notice.  
  
'How about I _burn_ your lab if you don't give me a Zeppelin?' he asked through clenched teeth.  
  
'Thanks, mista, we can do it ourselves.  
  
The elf cursed again. 'Then what do you want?'  
  
'Gold.'  
  
The fist that was about to hit the little goblin was stopped by a spellbreaker in mid-air.  
  
'Easy, Lord Sylvos.'  
  
'_Easy_ for you to say, wise guy!!' Sylvos exploded. 'How are we going to get out of here?!'  
  
The spellbreaker was about to answer, when suddenly the gound shook.  
  


*******

  
Meanwhile, Kel'Thuzad sent an air scout to find Arthas and inform him about the latest events in Lordaeron. Right now the Lich and his troops were following the enormous footsteps of the pink horror that nearly smashed them an hour ago.  
  
They passed the remaining of Silverpine Forest, wondering how are they going to cross the mountains. It would take a lot of Zeppelins of any kind, and Kel'huzad didn't suppose that they will be able to find any in a middle of a ghostly wood. And building them would take too much time.  
  
It seemes easier to cross the Lordamere Lake, but still he wasn't sure whether they had enough gold to buy a ship. They could make it with two or three, in the worst case they'd be sailing on tours, but if they _had_ the money...  
  
The only way to be sure is to check, Kel'Thuzad thought.  
  
'Wait for me here.' he ordered his warriors. 'I'll go see if I can get us a transport.'  
  
He departed, having to float (I can't say "walk"...) for several minutes to the nearest goblin shiyard. These goblins drive me mad, he thought and cursed inwardly. But in the middle of his way he's seen a footprint.  
  
A very big footprint. And deep. At least three feet into the ground. The grass in it wasn't even smashed - it was sturbed and created some kind of a muddy green soup. And from the very center something was sticking out.  
  
Kel'Thuzad concentrated to see it in the bright rays. The sun in the whole Azeroth acted suprisingly brightly recently. Anyway, the thing that the Lich has seen were actually a pain of long violet ears, a long green cape and a pair of broken iron wings.  
  
Kel'Thuzad laughed silently. He couldn't tell who that body used to be, but one things was for sure - a night elf. How stupid can you get, let such a Big Hairy Thing smash you...  
  
Wehn he was floating pass the footprint, he heard a loud moan. He turned around instantly to see the elf rise. He should've been expecting that - heroes never die easily. Especially in such pathetic fanfictions. Fortuneatly he knew a bit elvish (Dalaran required a lot of knowledge to join the Kirin Tor - and elves were in the Alliance), so maybe he could talk her not to fight now. His troops would need a few minutes to join.  
  
'Ishnu-alah.' he said calmly.  
  
The girl said something that Kel'Thuzad couldn't understand. It probably was a curse, judging from the way she said it through clenched teeth and spat. Whatever.  
  
'What are you doing here, Lich?' she asked in her language. Her voice was sharp like the knife she was holding.  
  
'Passing by.' Kel'Thuzad answered truthfully. 'Just wanted to get to the dock... And what are _you_ doing here, my lady?'  
  
The elf grinned widely. She straightened up to her full height and took quite a proud pose. For a moment the Lich wished for something heavy to hit her.  
  
'I am Maiev Shadowsong, for your information.' she answered, also very proud of heavens know what. 'I am a Warden and I came to these forsaken lands hunting a powerful demon!'  
  
'Good luck to you.'  
  
Kel'Thuzad turned to leave, when he heard a loud bang. Maiev fell over. He laughed inwardly and asked, his back to the Warden:  
  
'Are you hunting Illidan Stormrage?'  
  
The elf blinked. 'How do _you_ know?'  
  
'Oh, you don't have to worry.'  
  
'What do you mean?'  
  
'The job's been already done.'  
  


*******

  
The Scourge still thinks that the only one, who dared to face King Arthas - Illidan Stormrage - is no more. Will Maiev believe them? What will happn to Sylvanas? Will Kel'Thuzad and his forces defeat the Forsaken? And most of all...  
  
... what are the plans of the Big Hairy Thing...?  
  
    **END OF CHAPTER TWO **


	3. To Kill the Thing

Here it is, the third chapter! This turned out a little shorter than the previous ones... Well, too bad. I don't know how long will the whole thing be, but I don't count for more than six chapters. My mind wouldn't think of that much stupidities... I'm wondering where I get all those ideas anyway...  
  
Oh, and about those mistakes I make (special thanks to DemonGod86 for the review ^^), I sometimes write tired, type too fast or just am not sure how to write a word... But when I find a mistake, I always upload the chapter again to fix it. So I guess you'll just have to forgive me... I'm trying!  
  
One more thing, about what Tola was complaining in the reviews. One - I accepted the version that Arthas and Ner'zhul didn't create a new being, but that Arthas absorbed Lich King's powers, remaining himself. Therefore Anub'arak and Kel'Thuzad address him the way they did previously. OK, they couldn't have known, but in any case, that's how I made it. Sorry Tola, if my version is different than yours, but that's what fanfictions are for...  
  


* * *

  
'What in Azeroth...?' Sylvos breathed holding a table over his head to prevent being hit by a falling spellbreaker. I always thought their armours are too heavy, he told himself. They can kill someone by just sitting on them. When we get back I must ask prince Kael to-  
  
'EEEEEKKK!!!'  
  
The squeal was given by a sorceress that dared to peek through the window. She could see giant, furry and especially _pink_ legs. And there were more shouts coming from above.  
  
The Big Hairy Thing stopped, causing the quake to ease as well. Sylvos and his troops rushed outside to see the monster in it's true shape.  
  
'I knew I know the voice...' the Blood Mage breathed.  
  
All the elves gazed high up, narrowing their eyes in the blinding light, and noticed a grey and brown shape. It was very movable, struggling in the monster's palm, and yelled in a very high-pitched voice. Sylvos' jaw fell open, when he saw her.  
  
'By the Light...' he whipered. 'Quickly, get her down!!!'  
  
His troops, though confused, instantly obeyed the order. The Big Hairy Thing was attacked by various spells and blows. Of course turning it into a sheep seemed ridiculous, but anything else didn't help either. Flame Strikes strenghten by Banish and even Inner Fire, arrows aimed straight at the head... Absolutely nothing.  
  
Finally, after about half an hour of fruitless attacking, the pink creation noticed those at it's feet. It smiled widely with quite an infant expression, exposing rows of giant yellow teeth. It made a soft mew and bent over the Blood Elves.  
  
'Heavens...' Sylvos shiverred. 'What is this...?'  
  
The creature mewed once again and licked Sylvos with it's long and hard tongue, twice from feet to the head. The elves held their laughter, while the Blood Mage was standing all wet and sticky before the rising Thing.  
  
Unfortuneatly for him, he didn't even have time to curse, for in a moment he was hit on the head by a falling Sylvanas. The ground shook once again, as the Big Hairy Thing departed.  
  
The elves were still fighting the urge to burst out laughing.  
  
'Ouch, my as...' Sylvanas hissed through clenched teeth.  
  
'Yow awss?' asked a muffled voice from under her.  
  
She jumped and gazed at what was laying in the place, where she was massaging her buttocks just a minute go. She opened her eyes wide, seeing the elf rub his neck and spit dust out of his mouth.  
  
'Sylvos...?' she breathed.  
  
'Hey... cough... Sylvanas, long... cough... time no see...'  
  
He then straightened up and surveyed the girl closely. She stood still, knowing what might be next. Though her grey face and red eyes remained expressionless.  
  
The Blood Mage stopped his eyes on the face and whispered: 'Undead...?'  
  
'Yep.' the Ranger answered flatly. 'Not that I enjoy it, brother, but shit happens.'  
  
Sylvos nodded, feeling his eyes water with tears. He embraced his sister tightly.  
  
'Ekhem.' the goblin interrupted. 'Am I going to get my gold?'  
  


*******

  
'King Arthas,' a necromancer bowed 'a gargoyle just arrived with a letter.'  
  
'Read it.' the knight answered gazing at the horizon. He seemed to be too depply in thought to do anything. Even read a short letter.  
  
'My King,' the mage began 'I wish to give you news from Lordaeron. My troops are now prepared and I plan to storm the Capitol City by nightfall. From what I understand, the rebels won't have a big chance. It's because a strange creature is heading their way. You may not believe this description, my Lord, but the best word for this monster is "pink". And has enormous sizes of everything. We met it on our way, but fortuneatly we lost only three meat wagons. I now hope for it to shatter the rebel for us. And I do hope that you will receive this letter as soon as possible, my King. I should be waiting for you in the Capitol. Your servant, Kel'Thuzad.'  
  
Arthas was listening closely, motionless, his face wearing no expression. He sighed deeply and turned to the necromancer.  
  
'So that monster has reached Lordaeron.' he said flatly.  
  
'It appears so, my King.' the mage agreed.  
  
'I only wish to know what is it up to...' another sigh. 'Feed the gargoyle, I want it to take my answer to Kel'Thuzad.'  
  
Both necromancer and gargoyle bowed and left their master alone on the deck. The cold air was running through his long hair, spreading them in every direction. The knight gazed far behind, to where he left Anub'arak in Northrend, and then to the opposite direction, to where Kel'Thuzad awaits.  
  
What is this monster?, he thought. Does it even think? If yes, what does it intend to do...?  
  


*******

  
'Thanks for the loan.'  
  
'You'll pay me back later.'  
  
Sylvos and Sylvanas both stood on one Zeppelin, while the troops were squeezed in another one. The goblin pilots were laughing insanely once in a while, when the engines gave odd sounds, but fortuneatly all the pieces were in their places.  
  
'What did you say you wanted to do?' asked the Ranger.  
  
'Get to Ashenvale.'  
  
'Aah, I see... anyone special there?'  
  
Sylvos sweatdropped. 'Yes, our leader.'  
  
The girl grinned. 'Won't he mind accepting me as an ally?'  
  
There was a moment's silence, in which the mage was thinking deeply. He spoke, still in thought:  
  
'Well, we do have common enemies... Plus prince Kael knows you well... There is a chance...'  
  
'Don't forget about one thing.'  
  
'What?'  
  
'The Big Hairy Thing.'  
  
The goblin laughed, bringing them both icy chills.  
  
'What about it?'  
  
'Are you stupid, brother? We must stop it! You've seen what's happened!'  
  
Sylvos waved his hand dismissively. 'Alright already, we can discuss it with the rest, when we get there.'  
  
'So I want to take my Forsaken with me.'  
  
The mage blinked.  
  
'There is not much of us, we'll fit on that Zeppelin.'  
  
Sylvos nodded, completely defeated. A peaceful hour passed without a word, but Sylvanas is of course a woman and she won't stand not talking for too long.  
  
'What were you doing in Khaz Modan, anyway?'  
  
'A tornado.'  
  
'From Kalimdor?'  
  
'Through Lordaeron.'  
  
'Oh, my.'  
  
'Yep.'  
  
Thus they were closing up to the Capitol of the Kingdom of the Scourge, ready to pick up the Forsaken and fly away as fast as they can towards the green sights of Ashenvale.  
  
Only poor Sylvos had no idea that one of his new allies is a dreadlord...  
  
They couldn't wake him up for half the way to Kalimdor.  
  


*******

  
'I told you to watch your back.' Kel'Thuzad said.  
  
'Shut up.' Maiev replied sharply, trying to dry her cape.  
  
'Lakes don't change their positions too often, you know.'  
  
The elf, still wet, despite what she did, turned to him with a furious face.  
  
'Do what you will, Lich!' she shouted. Kel'Thuzad didn't even blink. 'I've got my own matters to take care of!'  
  
'I already told you, Illidan is _dead_. If you don't believe me, go ask King Arthas yourself!'  
  
Maiev groaned and departed heavens know where to, not saying a word.  
  
'Ellenta ne've.' the Lich added for goodbye. Despite everything, he _didn't_ swear.  
  
The Warden kept on walking. Forget Illidan, she told herslef, he's history. Focus on the present. That thing, whatever it was, that crushed me must be stopped! Plus I must tell Shan'do about his brother.  
  
The thoughts absorbed her so much she didn't watch her step, so she stumbled and fell into an icy and most of all stinky stream of something green.  
  


*******

  
Finally the heroes of Azeroth had focused their attention on the Big Hairy Thing. What will they do to stop it? Whill they make it? Will it end this war?  
  
And as we sit here peacefully, new thoughts appear in the creature's mind. What will be it's next move? Are we safe...?  
  
    **END OF CHAPTER THREE**
  
  


* * *

  
**Kil'jaeden:** WAIT JUST A DARN MINUTE!!!  
  
**Me:** ?  
  
**Kil'jaeden:** What the hell didn't _I_ get a role in this fic?  
  
**Me:** Should you?  
  
**Kil'jaeden:** Yes, I should! I'm hunting Illidan!!!  
  
**Me:** Alright, I'll get ya something... Crybaby...  



	4. New Alliances

It just got to me that I have forgotten about someone - but I'll fix it right away. There's nothing my pen can't do! _(insane laugh)_  
  


* * *

  
'Lok'tar, Warchief!' a grunt called.  
  
Thrall turned from the peon he was about to give a task, finding the other orc more important. He was, after all, a scout that had just returned from the Barrens. The peon can wait.  
  
'Throm-ka, warrior.' he greeted him. 'What news to you bring?'  
  
'Wierd, Warchief. I've just seen a strange creature sitting in the Barrens.'  
  
Thrall blinked. 'What creature?'  
  
The grunt described the Big Hairy Thing as best as he could, careful not to miss any detail. He said about it's appearance, of it sitting just like that and hugging a centaur, and that everything else most strongly avoided it. The shaman listened closely with great interest and even bigger amusement. When the scout has finished his very accurate description, Thrall said:  
  
'I've heard that many strange things happen lately... Can this be the cause of it?'  
  
'Beats me, Warchief.'  
  
The shaman sighed. 'Keep an eye on it. I don't want anything funny to happen here as well.'  
  
'Da'bu.'  
  


*******

  
Meanwhile, in Ashenvale all the leaders of night evles, Blood Elves and Naga gathered by the Norddrassil on Mt. Hyjal to discuss the latest events.  
  
'I'll say shortly.' Illidan said. 'This is ridiculous!'  
  
'I agree with you, brother.' Furion nodded. 'But it doesn't change the fact that this creature is interrupting everything.'  
  
'If we only knew where it comes from or what it actually is...' Vashj added.  
  
Kael sighed. 'How can we know _that_?'  
  
Tyrande shook her head. 'The only thing we know about this monster is that it's invulnerable to physical damage and is capable of crossing an _ocean_...'  
  
Silence fell. None of them had anything to say, yet all where deeply in thought about the Big Hairy Thing. There were so many unanswered questions about it... They remained motionless, except for Vashj, whose snakes waved from either sides of her head and hissed once in a while. But still no one spoke. They had to face it.  
  
They were stuck.  
  
The uncomfortable silence was broken by a running archer. She stopped by them panting. They all turned and stared at her, even the blind eyes of Illidan, and awaited her to speak.  
  
'Shan'do...' she breathed. 'You must... aid us... the grove... is being... attacked...'  
  
Frution stood up at once and grabbed his staff, followed by his beloved Tyrande and his brother Illidan. And the demon was followed by his faithful servants and friends, Kael and Vashj.  
  
'Who is it?' the druid asked firmly.  
  
The archer looked into his calm eyes with her own. They showed weariness, grief and despair. Cold sweat wetted Furion's forehead as he saw those feeling in his sister elf. She swallowed audiably and whispered, apparently not able to pronounce the name louder:  
  
'Kil'jaeden...'  
  


*******

  
Arthas enjoyed the poisoned air of his homeland all the way to the Capitol from the coast. Lordaeron, unlike Northrend, was very familiar. Here he grew up, met his first love, met also Kel'Thuzad - though in rather unfriendly circumstances. And of course here he became, or more like announced himself king.  
  
Now these lands, both human Lordaeron and elven Quel'Thalas were entirely his. Even if Kel'Thuzad didn't win the Capitol, what he truly doubted, he'll aid him himself and the rebel will have no chance at all.  
  
He and few of his warriors passed the once green and cheerful lands. Now everything was covered in the black and dry blight, small green clouds floating over it. The blight caused all nature to die. There were no plants around, only black leafless trees, and no animals but carcasses and skeletons.  
  
Arthas went forth, wanting to see his friend as soon as possible. When he left this land he said that he can't tell if he ever returns. If Kel'Thuzad received his letter, he should be expecting him now.  
  
Finally they arrived at the darkened stone walls of the Capitol City. The two necromancers that were guarding the main gate from top of the wall spotted him and recognised at once.  
  
'By Ner'zhul...' one of them managed to say. 'King Arthas!!'  
  
The gate opened few moments later, so that the knight and his troops didn't have to stop and wait. They entered the city, welcomend warmly by all undead that saw them.  
  
When they reached the main square, in front of the palace, Kel'Thuzad came.  
  
'Greetings, King Arthas.' he bowed. 'I've been expecting you.'  
  
The knight gave his stag, the famous bony cow, to the nearest necromancer and turned to the Lich. He was smiling.  
  
'Good to see you, my friend. I missed you. And I see you made a good job with defeating the rebel.'  
  
Kel'Thuzad laughed softly and shook his head. 'It's not like that, my king.'  
  
'It's not?'  
  
'The city was empty, when we arrived.'  
  
Arthas blinked a few times. 'Excuse me?'  
  
'I have no idea. I suppose they might have fled before that monster I wrote you about...'  
  
'Ah, yes.' the knight admitted. 'I forgot to tell you something important.'  
  
'Yes, my king?'  
  
Arthas carefully chose his words, wondering how his friend will react to the bad news. Yet it has happened and Kel'Thuzad ought to know. As well as the rest of the Scourge.  
  
'You see, Kel...' he began slowly. The Lich didn't react, though no one has ever called him like this. 'I know where that thing came from.'  
  
'You do?' the Lich seemed sort of amused.  
  
'Well, yes, it came out of a meteor.'  
  
'A _meteor_?'  
  
'Believe it or now, one fell. In the very center of the Ice Crown.'  
  
Kel'Thuzad seemed to read the thought few times over and over. Wait a minute, the Ice Crown Glacier... in the middle of it was...  
  
'The Frozen Throne?' he asked in disbelief.  
  
Arthas closed his eyes and shook his head. 'There's nothing left of it.'  
  
If the Lich had legs to stand on, he'd now fell over. Or if he had a body, he'd faint.  
  
'This can't be...'  
  
'I'm afraid it is...' the king sighed. He smiled wearily. 'But I still have this.' he patted the Frostmourne. 'And the power of Ner'zhul within me.'  
  
'Will it be enough?'  
  
'We'll send a messenger to get us reinforcements from Northrend. We must end this war - and we'll begin with destroying Iliidan's followers.'  
  
Kel'Thuzad, not completely recovered yet, bowed. 'As you order, King Arthas.'  
  


*******

  
_BAKOOM!!!_  
  
When the heroes approached the night elf grove, Kil'jaeden had already taken Shandris hostage. All of them stopped suddenly, seeing him holding the unconsious ranger three feet above the ground by her cape.  
  
Illidan threw his blades away and took a few steps towards the demon. Furion quickly looked around to see no signs of battle except few wounded elves... including Shandris.  
  
The Hunter walked closer and said firmly:  
  
'Let her go, Kil'jaeden. It's me you're after.'  
  
The demon laughed shortly, but sharply enough to cause most of the elves to shiver.  
  
'Really?' he asked, though without much sense in context. 'And if I do free her?'  
  
The Hunter took a deep breath. 'You'll have me.'  
  
'NO!!!' Kael bellowed and rushed forward, but was stopped by Furion and Vashj, who dragged him away from his master. 'No, Lord illidan, you _can't_ be punished!!!'  
  
Kil'jaeden grinned on the young one's determination and asked softly: 'And why is that?'  
  
Such a tone is defineatly not normal for a demon. The prince swallowed loudly and froze in place. Yet his own voice was still sharp and furious. 'He tried to obey your orded! He nearly lost his life for you!' he yelled.  
  
Vashj, seeing her friend's reaction, decided to support him and added: 'If it's so important, why didn't you destroy the Throne _yourself_?'  
  
Kil'jaeden growled. Furion and the others guessed that there must be something preventing him from doing it, but the demon's pride won't allow him admitting it.   
  
It seemed that he was about to say something, but Fate - and of course I, the cruelest of cruel authors - didn't want that to happen. A cloud of black smoke began closing up behnd him, followed by another. Though the red demon seemed too absorbed by his hostage and enemies to notice. He didn't even blink, when the heroes gazed high up on the clouds.  
  
And suddenly the first of them crushed with Kil'jaeden's head, giving loud 'auch's with three different voices. The second cloud also collided with him, giving more yells, this time with more than a dozen voices.  
  
Kil'jaeden disspeared, cursing cloudly in his own language, while loads of various creatures fell from the sky, also cursing. There were Blood Elves among them, as well as banshee, goblins and... a dreadlord?  
  
'What the...?' Kael breathed.  
  
'Ah, prince Kael'thas.' one of the figures said, straightening up. It was all black from head to toe, but one could recognise and elf in it. Probably a mage. 'It's me, Windrunner.'  
  
The prince blinked. 'Sylvos? Where were you?!'  
  
'Well, my prince, you see, that tornado...'  
  
'... took us to Khaz Modan.' a sorceress finished.  
  
Illidan held his laugh, while Furion and Vashj nodded, smiling slightly. Kael cleared his throat and asked:  
  
'And who are these undead with you, Sylvos?'  
  
The mage seemed a little nervous, but in any case he replied:  
  
'This Ranger, my prince, is actually my sister, Sylvanas...' the girl bowed.  
  
'Oh...' Kael mumbled. 'I didn't know you're undead...'  
  
'Happens.' the Ranger answered shortly.  
  
Sylvos went on: 'These banshee are under her command, as well as Varimathras...'  
  
'Who?' Vashj asked.  
  
The dreadlord took a step forward. 'That would be me.'  
  
All the eyes turned to him in disbelief. No one trusted dreadlords, of what Varimathras was well aware, but sometimes a superior can save your ass. Sylvanas said, breaking the silence:  
  
'He's a loyal servant, there's no need to worry.'  
  
'Really?' Illidan replied sharply.  
  
'We've got a bigger problem now, Hunter.' the Ranger added firmly. 'I want to be your ally.'  
  
The heroes looked at one another and finally Tyrande, who remained silent so far, asked:  
  
'Sylvos, can we trust her?'  
  
The mage simply nodded.  
  
'Very well then.' Furion said. 'We accept your offer.'  
  
Sylvanas smiled and suggested to take care of the Big Hairy Thing first. There were murmurs and questions, but after a short while they all agreed.  
  
When they were about to leave and rest, a huntress emerged from the woods.  
  
'Ishnu-dal-dieb, Shan'do.' she said. 'Sorry for interrupting, but an orc messenger just arrived.'  
  


*******

  
The Big Hairy Thing finally ended it's journey in the Barrens. What will happen next? Can the heroes defeat such monster? What do the orcs want from the night elves? What will Arthas do? Where is Maiev?  
  
Don't I ask too many questions? Find out in the next chapter of THE BIG HAIRY THING!  
  
    **END OF CHAPTER FOUR **


	5. Close to the End

I got a strange feeling that the BHT fic is getting more stupid than funny... a PWP I'd say... Well, anyway, I _will_ finish it! Hope that _someone_ is reading this... >   
Oh, and sorry for my old English forms, I'm not that good in this... >   


* * *

  
'Lok'tar.' the grunt greeted. 'I come sent here by Warchief Thrall.'  
  
'Thrall...' Tyrande said, sort of dreamingly. 'It's been some time now...'  
  
'What does he want?' Vashj asked, not really in the topic. Her Naga were the only ones not fighting in the battle for Mt. Hyjal. But in any case, she was now involved through the service she's sworn to Illidan.  
  
The fact that she didn't trust orcs didn't count now... did it?  
  
The grunt replied: 'There's this funky creature in the Barrens. The Warchief wishes to find out if you know anything about it.'  
  
There was a short pause, in which Furion laughed a few times, while the Blood Elven priests aided the wounded. Sylvos seemed also in quite a good mood.  
  
'Let me guess.' Shan'do said. 'This creature is enormous, pink, cute and you never know what's it up to.'  
  
'Good to hear you already know it.' the grunt replied.  
  
'I wouldn't be so happy...' Sylvanas murmured.  
  
'Will you come to talk with the Warchief?' the orc pressed on.  
  
All heroes looked at one another, Vashj and Kael a bit in the background, for they have less experience with the Horde than the rest. But the ones, who fought the Legion not so long ago slowly, one by one, began to nod and agree.  
  
'We shall go.' Illidan said, waving for Vashj and Kael to join him. 'My Blood Elves and the Naga are to help.'  
  
'Of course we too.' Sylvanas added firmly.  
  
The grunt smiled, seeing so many willing. Thrall will be pleased.  
  
'There's just one more thing.' Furion interrupted. 'I got a bad feeling about humans...'  
  
'What about them?' Tyrande asked, slightly surprised.  
  
Shan'do sighed. When he spoke, his voice was amazingly weak.  
  
'They are the only ones we haven't heard from since the final battle with the Legion... What do you think could've happened?'  
  
Kael, as the one closest to humans, took a step forward and answered:  
  
'This is a bit complicated... Those that remained in Lordaeron should all be dead by now.'  
  
'What makes you so sure?' asked Sylvanas.  
  
The prince sighed. 'Well, the only warriors around there were those of Garithos. They were all killed in the war between you and the dreadlords.'  
  
Varimathras nodded.  
  
'If there are any survivors,' he continue 'they're well hidden and won't show up.'  
  
'And Jaina?' Tyrande pressed on.  
  
Silence.  
  


*******

  
Kel'Thuzad froze.  
  
'But, my King... this is insane!'  
  
Arthas gave him the same sinister grin all villains give anyone that said he's up to no good... even if it's a ridiculous no good.  
  
'Of course, my dear Lich...' he answered smiling, with a silent and _very_ sinister voice. Even Kel'Thuzad got chills. 'That's why we're going to do this. Think of what power we'd get...'  
  
'But it will be hard to gain, my Lord... extremely hard...'  
  
Arthas closed his eyes in the same silent laughter and pulled his servant's face very close to his. Their eyes met few inches away from each other. The mage growled as the strong arm grabbed his neck and pulled him fircely.  
  
'Don't you understand, Kel?' the knight asked, sweetly and sort of mockingly. 'We can handle it. I must succeed. And you will help me.'  
  
Kel'Thuzad nodded, as best as he could with his neck still. Arthas let go of him, as he saw an acolyte run towards hem both. The scene he just witnessed must've looked _very_ suspicious, but as any faithful servant, the acolyte acted like he didn't notice.  
  
'King Arthas, I bring news from Dalaran ruins.' he announced. The knight nodded in a gesture of permission. 'The survivors left it to join the Proudmoore girl in Kalimdor.'  
  
'Kalimdor?' Arthas blinked. 'She's still there?'  
  
'I guess she had nowhere to go.' Kel'Thuzad answered, rubbing his neckbone without much sense at all.  
  
'Less humans to take care of...' the king said shortly and turned around. 'Now let's-'  
  
He paused. The silent wind blew through the empty Capitol City, carrying the scent of death and decay everywhere. Though Arthas and his two companions didn't notice, for they stood petrified.  
  
'Where is everyone...?' the knight breathed.  
  
The acolyte swallowed audiably. The four drilling eyes turned to him. 'Well?' the heroes said together.  
  
'Um, you see, my King... It's just... um, I mean...'  
  
'Spit it out!!' Kel'Thuzad yelled.  
  
'Eeek!!!' the servant nearly fell over. 'I-I mean there's a Blight Guardian c-concert somewhere near Silvermoon ruins...'  
  
Despite his worst thought, Arthas took a deep breath and said, rubbing his eyes:  
  
'Just go and get everyone back here, we don't have time...'  
  
The acolyte departed, glad of how things turned out, while Arthas and Kel'Thuzad remained silent.  
  
'My King...' the Lich began after a moment. 'What do you think can still happen?'  
  
'How about a flying cow that plays the trombone, collapsing skies and undead Nerubians dancing poka?' the knight answered i na mocking tone. 'I don't know, and I don't think I _want_ to know!'  
  
'The problem here, my Lord, is that you probably will have to...'  
  
'Someone shoot me...'  
  


*******

  
The camp was peaceful and quiet, as all the time since that faithful battle. Luckily not many warriors and mages died, so they could move and set up a new establishment here, near the orcs. Maybe they should follow and create a new kingdom over here? Next to Durotar... that doesn't sound so bad. The area is quite fine. This could work...  
  
There's just one problem. Though most of dangerous monsters have been killed or forced to leave, there still was this pink creature. It's footsteps caused the ground to shake. And now it was sitting in this canyon, just like that, hugging _centaurs_... Like an infant...  
  
The powerful young archmage and leader of Lordaeron survivors, Jaina Proudmoore, sighed deeply and shook her head, still observing the Thing from below. As she was standing there, deep in thought, a knight approached her.  
  
'Is something worrying thee, milady?'  
  
'Not really...'  
  
The man gazed into the deep pit, on the pink monstrousity.  
  
'What does thou want us to do with it?'  
  
'Leave it be.' jaina said, though weakly. 'It didn't cause us any problem so far, do there's no reason to kill it.  
  
'As thou wishes.'  
  
'Miss Proudmoore!' a girl called behind them. 'There's a letter for you! A... a crow brought it!'  
  
The archmage blinked a few times. She remembered a raven, and many crows, powerul crows... But thse memories were blurred, fogged with problems of the present. She kept on digging in her own mind, trying to recall where and when has she seen the images now popping out.  
  
Slowly she began to remember. She recalled a tall, long-eared man with violet skin and a long beared, who changed into a crow...  
  
That's it, she thought and unsealed the letter. She read it slowly, and when she was done, she rolled the parchment and gave it to the knight.  
  
'We're going to Durotar.' she said firmly.  
  
'Durotar?' the man asked surprised. 'To the orcs? Why is that?'  
  
'Because we're needed.' Jaina answered shortly. 'Gather a few warrior right away and we're leaving.'  
  
The knight growled, yet he obeyed the order and reluctantly headed towards the camp. The archmage smiled.  
  
'Who is that letter from, milady?' the village girl asked.  
  
Jaina smiled wider and looked north, to were a huge forest was recovering.  
  
'An old friend.'  
  


*******

  
Meanwhile, the rest of the allied heroes gathered in Orgrimmar, capitol of the new orcish land, Durotar. There was only one of them missing and impatiently awaited...  
  
'Jaina should be here soon.' Tyrande said. Despite her words, her voice showed more hope than confidence. 'She's not far, as the druids said...'  
  
'Another ally...' Vashj said, more to herself than anyone else. 'With such forces we might be able to defeat the Scourge...'  
  
Illidan, that was sitting on a boulder and gazing into nothingness with his blind eyes, spoke quite silently:  
  
'If we do, our forces will be weakened. A great chance for Kil'jaeden to strike.'  
  
'But if we defeat him first,' Sylvanas added 'the undead will attack.'  
  
'So we're stuck.' Kael concluded.  
  
Probably someone would say something else, maybe even he'd solve a problem or answer an unanswered question, but once again Fate rolled the dice and lost a game with Coincidence.  
  
Maiev arrived.  
  
All eyes turned to her, except for Illidan, who remained motionless. The Warden approached them all on weak legs and managed to say:  
  
'Ishnu-dal-dieb... Shan'do...'  
  
'Why are you so wet?' Furion asked instead of greeting.  
  
Maiev sat, or should I say - fell on her butt and breathed: 'That's not... important, Shan'do... I have to tell you something...'  
  
'Go ahead.' the druid encouraged her, peeking to see, what his brother was doing. Fortuneatly and quite strangely, Illidan was still motionless. He seemed to be in his private world now.  
  
'While I was in Lordaeron...' the Warden began.  
  
'Lordaeron?' Tyrande interrupted. 'What were you doing out _there_?'  
  
'Nevermind, priestess, what's more important is what I saw. I was attacked by a giant mon-'  
  
'Pink monster.' Illidan finished, cutting her sentence. 'It's enormous and extremely cute.'  
  
Only then did Maiev noticed him.  
  
'You...!!' she managed to say. 'Betrayer! How dare you enter these woods again!?'  
  
Everyone around her yawned.  
  
'Is that all you can do?' Vashj asked.  
  
Furion cleared his throat and said firmly:  
  
'There's peace, Maiev. I've cleansed my brother of his guilt, though his sins can never be forgotten.'  
  
'B-but... justice must...'  
  
'Justice is more blind than I am.' Illidan replied sharply.  
  
'You condemned the wrong person.' Kael added.  
  
Sylvanas, tired of this never-ending conflict, also cleared her throat and said:  
  
'Not that I really know what's going on between you all, but I strongly suggest we focus on our enemies.'  
  
'Arthas.' said Thrall.  
  
'Kil'jaeden.' added Vashj.  
  
'And that pink monster.' Illidan concluded.  
  
'Right.' Sylvanas said. 'I don't know about you, but as for me, it's _personal_. We got to get rid of that thing.'  
  
Thrall opened his mouth to give a reply, but before he could do so, Jaina appeared in front of him in a circle of blue light.  
  
'Sorry for being late.' she said. 'Seems I'm the last one to join.'  
  
'It's nothing, Jaina.' Tyrande answered. 'Nice to see you again.'  
  
'Yeah, it's been a while...' Furion added.  
  
'So, now that we are all here,' Illidan interrupted 'what's our first move?'  
  
Maiev cleared her throat in a sign of don't-ask-me-I-don't-know state, while Kael and Vashj stared patiently at Shan'do and the Warchief, awaiting instructions.  
  
There was a short pause, but after a few horrible chords whistled by Sylvos Furion decided to say:  
  
'Now we can attack.'  
  
'Attack who?'  
  
'The Big Hairy Thing.'  
  


*******

  
Maiev has joined her elven brethren in preparations for battle with the Thing. All seems clear, yet the Scourge has a mysterios plan ready. Will they succeed? Or maybe the world's greatest alliance will prevent it? And is Kil'jaeden plotting?  
  
The final battle draws close...  
  
    **END OF CHAPTER FIVE **


	6. Not so grand Final

This is finally the end. I addedd a few things to give a bit more humour into this chapter. Sorry if some may be hard to understand - princess Calia is not too known, actually... But she exists. And may be just the perfect source of humour I need...  
  
Thanks to Rufus for making up what can the Thing actually be. Plus I got a better role for Kil'jaeden thanks to that.  
  


* * *

  
Kel'Thuzad approached his king on a rocky, barren hill. Arthas was standing, deep in thought, and gazing down on the slumbering Big Hairy Thing.  
  
Even the weather was calm - there was no wind, no clouds. The moon rose high, though appeared only in half of its majesty. It illuminated the improvised undead camp, hidden between boulders and dry trees from the eyes of enemies.  
  
Kel'Thuzad also gazed into the pit. He thought of the plan Arthas made up few days ago and how he called it insane. Now, as he recalled it part by part, it didn't sound that stupid at all. More of it, it made perfect sense.  
  
Even sounded possible.  
  
'What are we going to do tonight, my King?' the Lich asked.  
  
'Same as every night, Kel.' Arthas answered, grinning. 'Try to take over the world!'  
  
Silence. Everyone around stared at them dumbly. The knight coughed.  
  
'I mean, er... cough... I think we should start with the plan. The moment is, er, perfect... And... yeah... it is and... yeah.'  
  
Kel'Thuzad remained still and - not having much to say about this one - expressionless. As a very faithful servant, who he was indeed, he simply nodded.  
  
He left to prepare everything. Thus Arthas was left alone above the Thing. The only sound were its loud shores and the sound of a crushed rock or centaur from time to time.  
  
This was a good moment for him to initate the plan, for the creature was now asleep. But on the other hand, it's also the best moment for the night elves to strike. If he's lucky, he'll succeed. If not...  
  
He's dead.  
  
A necromancer came.  
  
'My King, there's someone that wishes to see you.'  
  
Arthas blinked. 'Like who?'  
  
'A female human, my Lord.'  
  


*******

  
The armies marched. One by one, under cover of darkness and silence. The moon shone wearily, as if it wished to sleep. It was partly covered with dark grey clouds that stopped most of the light. None of the warriors made any sound, walking like cats at hunt. The air's gone heavy and hot. Yet they marched on.  
  
Suddenly one of those in the front stopped and the rest followed with a short delay, those in the back bouncing at those before them. A girl waited patiently for the rumour of iron and curses to die, and then turned around.  
  
'That was kind of loud.' said Kael, one of the elves that had ears longer and more sensible than other races.  
  
'We're here.' Jaina announced and pointed at a pit few feet behind her. 'Furtuneatly' she added sharply 'you didn't wake it up.'  
  
Furion was about to order some of the troops to strike and finally end this pathetic comedy, but Illidan patted his arm to prevent it and shook his head.  
  
'Undead.' he said. 'On the other side.'  
  
Shan'do gazed there, narrowing his eyebrows a bit.  
  
He noticed a dark shape, too far away even for a night elf to see it well. But it's identity was clear enough. The shape was humanoidal, tall and had a sword tied to its side. As Furion noticed a moment later, it was talking with another shape that stood further in the dark.  
  
The druid nodded. 'Arthas is plannning something.' he said. 'This doesn't sound good...'  
  
Tyrande concentrated her eyes on the second shape, the one with which the knight was now talking. Or maybe arguing? It was hard to tell from this distance. But in any case that shape seemed _very_ suspicious. If Kael took a look, he'd find it familiar.  
  
'That's strange...' the priestess murmured. 'What is a human girl doing in undead camps?'  
  
**

***

**  
'What the hell do you think you're _doing_?!' Arthas hissed as loud as his clenched teeth allowed him to.  
  
'I expected a warmer welcome.' the woman answered. Her voice was full of nobility and majesty, sounded clearly, yet firmly and sharply. She stood before the knight in a very proud pose, dressed in a long, velvet, green dress. It had loads of silver and gold elements, which even in Kel'Thuzad's opinion looked ridiculous.  
  
But try to tell her about it.  
  
'A warmer what? You expected the _undead_ to welcome _you_?!'  
  
'Don't forget that I am the princess of Lordaeron, in which your people now live, if you recall.'  
  
'B-but... Lord... doh!!' Arthas buried his face in his hand and sighed loudly. 'This doesn't have sense... Listen, Calia, _I_ was the rightfule heir! The throne of Lordaeron belongs to me!'  
  
The girl called Calia took a step forward, as if it the previous position was making her tired.  
  
'But you betrayed us before our father passed away, so I should receive the crown. These undead should listen to me as well as to you.'  
  
Arthas' jaw fell open. He went speechless, while his sister (older, I should add) grinned and awaited his reaction. After a few long and silent moments the knight sighed again and turned to his faithful Lich.  
  
'Kel, _please_, take care of princess Calia, so that she doesn't do any damage...'  
  
Kel'Thuzad nodded slowly, though he'd rather give his bones away to dogs or employ himself at a university as a sample. But none of these options was possible now, so he had no other choice than to agree.  
  
This will be a long and painful night...  
  
**

***

**  
'So they came.' Arthas said. He noticed movement on the other side of the pit. He couldn't tell what was going on out there, yet he was expecting someone right now. And he had a funny feeling they came.  
  
This is taking too long, he thought. It will never be done before dawn breaks, unless they hurry up. The hell is going on in that camp...?  
  
He anxiously entered it, not really expecting anything - he was only _sure_ that something bad will happen. Bad, and mostly ridiculoud things happened one by one lately. He looked around to see all acolytes at work and his warriors gathering at their positions... Yet something was defineatly wrong.  
  
'By the Lich King!!!'  
  
Arthas turned around. The shout came from a small mob behind. The undead there were anxious, some laughing. And in the middle, Kel'Thuzad stood yelling.  
  
The knight approached them and squeezed through to reach the Lich. Kel'Thuzad looked at him with a very pitiful gaze. Arthas froze.  
  
There they were. Standing just like that, on one of the so-called streets near Arthas' Black Citadel. Standing like they always did, but this time disguisting all his people and himself, defineatly _not_ fitting to the environment. Like a snake in Northrend, they were there...  
  
... the mean wagons covered in pink and blue flowers.  
  
'Dear gods...!!' Arthas breathed. 'What on...?'  
  
He paused. The cruel and painful truth struck him.  
  
'_CALIA!!!_'  
  
'You yelled, brother mine?' the princess asked from behind.  
  
Arthas was panting, completely red on the face (yes, it is possible). His teeth and fists were clenched, as if he was about to damage himself by doing this. 'Yes, I did.' he breathed and pointed at the terrifying wagons.  
  
'Oh, so you noticed my flowers.' the girl squeaked. Usually her voice was medium and calm, but now it went high beyond the normal scale. 'Aren't they adorable?'  
  
Kel'Thuzad strongly prevented himself from hitting a wall with his head a few times, but Arthas was getting more and more angry. Fury paralized his muscles, but he seemed not to notice. When you don't know you can't do something - you do it. The knight cursed loudly several times.  
  
'You trying to tell me...' he panted 'that _these_ are my... weapons?!'  
  
Calia surveyed the wagons. 'Well...' she began, with her usual annoying majesty 'it doesn't look any like weapons to me... I thought it was junk...'  
  
'Junk...?' Kel'Thuzad breathed.  
  
'... so I decided to do something about it.' the princess ignored them. 'This place is so gloomy and dark... you should do something about this, brother...'  
  
The undead were petrified. Calia was the first to ever dare to do such things. Everyone feared the Scourge, feared their darkness and lives that cannot be taken away...  
  
But what does she care?  
  
'And that spider-like architecture...' the princess went on. 'It's so disguisting! You should put something sweeter here, perhaps some kittens, remember thst our father was quite arachnophobic...'  
  
Arthas wasn't listening. All he wished for now was to get rid of her once and for all...  
  
So why the hell doesn't he order to just _kill_ her?!  
  
'Speaking of spiders,' Kel'Thuzad said 'where is our Nerubian ally?'  
  
'Anub'arak? I ordered him to prepare an ambush around the base in case the elves attack.'  
  
'And what should I do with her, my King?'  
  
The knight sighed. 'Just lock her up... for now...'  
  


*******

  
Illidan was gazing at the undead base. Though he could not see anything, he knew very well what's to come. The Scourge was preparing something and it won't be anything good... defineatly not for them. Not for the new alliance.  
  
His most faithful servant, Kael'thas approached him silently, as if not wanting to deconcentrate his master. Illidan sighed deeply and said into nothingness:  
  
'One way or the highway...'  
  
Kael blinked. 'Excuse me?'  
  
'What?'  
  
'What did you just say, my Lord?'  
  
The Hunter didn't hide his surprise. 'What do you mean? I said "One way or the highway"...'  
  
The mage coughed.  
  
'That's the point, my Lord... you couldn't have.'  
  
Illidan stood still... perhaps stunned. 'But I just did!'  
  
The youner elf shook his head. 'Highways weren't invented yet.'  
  
The blind nearly fell over. 'I just did that!'  
  
'You couldn't have, my Lord, there's no such thing as cars yet!'  
  
'Oh, for heaven's sake...!'  
  
Fortuneatly for them, the idiotic arguement was interrupted by Jaina and Thrall, who stood behind the two elves for a few minutes and held their laughter.  
  
'You wanted something?' Illidan asked sharply, not turning his head away from Kael.  
  
'Everything is prepared.' the orc announced. 'We shall strike soon.'  
  


*******

  
Thus preparations on both sides of the canyon were slowly heading towards their end.  
  
On one side, few rows of elven archers and dwarven shooters stood still, ready to welcome the enemy with a rain of arrows and bullets. Behind them were placed dryads and troll head hunters, surrounding mages and druids. Their duty was to guard the spellcasters, while the latter were using their powers. At the end of the army barricade, melee units, useless for now, surrounded many various siege weapons. The air forces of the new alliance were for now awaiting their signal on the ground. And all the leaders - Thrall, Jaina, Illidan, Furion and others - were standing somewhere amongst the warriors, watching the other edge of the pit.  
  
There the situation was very similar, if not identical. Only that instead of the archers stood skeletal archers, instead of mages - necromancers and so on. Arthas, Kel'Thuzad and Anub'arak were also trying to spot the enemy's moves in this semi-darkness.  
  
Dawn was quickly closing in. Furion was the fastest to notice that the day is the worst moment for this battle. He gave an order and almost together all his archers and dwarven shooters attacked.  
  
A dark, thick cloud covered the sky, hiding the rising sun and setting down moon behind. It stood still for a moment shorter than any eye can see, and rushed down with incredible speed. The arrows fell in three waves at the rows od undead, while the bullets sent there by dwarves flew in a horizonal course.  
  
Some of the undead didn't react fast enough. Arrows went through their corpses and heads, bullets damaging their limbs. Most of the injured ones were standing in the first two rows, at the very edge of the pit. In streams of blood and loud moans they tried to squeeze to the back, while others were rushing to their places. Arthas cursed himself for not attacking first.  
  
'Bringing the air forces in won't be a good idea.' Kel'Thuzad thought aloud. 'Not now.'  
  
'We must counter that _somehow_...' the King added, but not as firmly as he'd wish to. 'Bring in the wagons!'  
  
His siege weapons, some still wearing on occasional flower, were pushed to the front by acolytes. They aimed at the army opposite. Arthas slowly raised his Frostmourne, the legendary sword of destruction, and lowered it with one firm and fast move.  
  
At that signal the wagons fired. At the sight of the rotting meat falling, the front forces of the alliance began retreating in chaos. Furion waved his staff and the chimaeras, griffins and wyverns rose from the ground. The griffins and their dwarven riders were preventing the meat shells from reaching the ground army.  
  
Yet some did. It was amazing what can a piece of raw and rotting meat do to a body. Those that got hit were not merely injured - their wounds spreaded and incredible odour and were for sure infested with something nasty. Some of the victims began vomitting at the very beginning, what made them unable to act.  
  
The chimaeras and wyverns rushed forwar to reach the very wagons. Arthas' sword pointed at them and his skeletal archers fired at the incoming wave. At the very same moment, the stone statues behind him rose and the gargoyles flew towards the enemy. Thrall screamed for their air warriors to concentrate at the ground forces and avoid the impact of gargoyles. At Tyrande's command, the archers that were still able to attack tamed the elven hippogryphs and welcomed the undead air forces with another rain of arrows.  
  
'Stop the necromancers!!' Furion yelled. 'Stop them!!'  
  
Right after them some fairy dragons, supported by dragon hawks and their elven riders, reached the other side of the pit and morphed into shiny, moon-like blue orbs. Some of them didn't last long, yet most survived thanks to the support of the Blood Elves that also trapped some frost wyrms in their nets as an easy prey for others.  
  
'Our last hope lies in you!' Arthas, seeing his troops slowly falling, yelled at Kel'Thuzad. 'They won't reach you back here! Cast it!!'  
  
The Lich hesitated. 'But what if we need it later...?'  
  
'NOW!!'  
  
Kel'Thuzad, surprised by his king's desperate voice, reached out with his hands and began murmuring some strange words. Arthas understood none, but he didn't care at all. Blue lights appeared ay the Lich's hands. He was about to finish the incantation. This is it, Arthas thought. He may balance the scales at our favour...  
  
The ground shook.  
  
All the ground warriors tried hard to stand still, some falling down. Kel'Thuzad's spell broke, nearly done. He cursed loudly, catching his falling king in mid-air. Tyrande's tiger didn't have enough luck and fell over, causing the priestess to hit the ground.  
  
'What the-?' Kael breathed.  
  
They all froze in place, as a loud, though somehow sweet roar-mew-like sound reached their ears.  
  
The Big Hairy Thing awoke.  
  
There was a moment's silence, when everyone drew their breath in. Only Arthas remained quite consious, his face wearing an insane smile.  
  
'_NOW!!!_' he yelled. '_NOW!!!_'  
  
Taking adventage of the enemy's confusion, the crypt fiends came out of the line. Kel'Thuzad held his laughter at the sighed ot the variously coloured ribbons Calia must've gave them. The spiders ran towards the rising pink monstrousity and began throwing their nets at it, pinning it to the ground.  
  
None of the alliance's leaders knew what to do.  
  
'Yes!!' the death knight shouted. 'We've got it!!!'  
  
Just then the Thing has noticed him. It surveyed him with it's cat eyes and smiled widely, exposing the yellow teeth.  
  
'Awthas?' it squeaked.  
  
Around it a million jaws fell open.  
  
'It-it talks?!' Illidan breathed.  
  
'_Talks_?!' Arthas coughed. 'It _knows_ me!!!'  
  
No one dared to move, as the giant, furry, bubble-gum pink hand freed itself and reached for the death knight. When he was being delicately pulled up, the king's voice bacame amazingly high-pitched, as he squeaked. Still no one around himmoved. Arthas struggled and groaned in the tight grip, but the Thing seemed not to notice and hugged him tighly. Kel'Thuzad moaned, as his master was pressed against the furry chest and hidden in both fists. Moans and groans were heard from there. Won't he lack air...?  
  
Calia gazed at the Thing's face. 'I-I think I...'  
  
Anub'arak and Kel'Thuzad gazed at her.  
  
'I... recognise it now...'  
  
The Big Hairy Thing exposed Arthas in its palm again. The king's face took quite a comical expression, as he tried to catch breath. He heard Calia shouting something, but understood nothing from the height. He saw his two leutainants stare at him in shick, fear and amusement. He clenched his teeth in fury. What a moment this creature has chosen to awake...!  
  
'Put me down!' he yelled. 'Put me down, you damn imitation of a plushie-!!'  
  
He paused, much to the surprise of others. A big audience he had, really. He covered his mouth in one hand and recalle the words he just said. The Thing mewed.  
  
Then there was silence.  
  
'Im... impossible...' Arthas mumbled.  
  
While everyone kept quiet, Calia managed to shout loud enough for him to hear.  
  
'Arthas, I recognise it!!'  
  
The knights nerves were numb, yet he answered, quite quietly: 'So do I... So do I...'  
  
The Big Hairy Thing didn't care about anything at all ans slowly pulled Arthas closer to lick him all over. The king noticed it and desperately sought for a way out of there, crowling to the edge of the huge palm. Fortuneatly, Kel'Thuzad also noticed the threat of a giant, hard tongue and in a second, a gargoyle grabbed the knight by his shoulders and brought him to the safe ground.  
  
The Thing mewed in dissapointment.  
  
'Th-thanks, Kel...' Arthas breathed.  
  
Calia was still the pink creature. It sat down on the undead side of the canyon, crushing some of the slower troops.  
  
'How could this be...?' she said into the air.  
  
'I got no idea...' the death knight breathed 'but I don't like it at all...'  
  
Suddenly, the leaders of the opposite side all flew to them on hippogryphs, Illidan using hos own wings. Some of the more consious skeletal archers aimed to shoot at them, but lowered their bows at one wave of the Frostmourne. The heroes disembarked right in front of the undead trio.  
  
'Mind telling us what the hell _is_ it?' Furion asked.  
  
'Well...' Calia began, but Arthas gave her a sharp look. She silenced.  
  
'You see,' the king began 'this... this _thing_ is actually... you won't believe...'  
  
'Spit it out!' Vashj ordered.  
  
Arthas sighed. 'It's my old plushie.'  
  
There was a short pause, in which everyone except him and his sister gathered themselves from the ground.  
  
'Come again?' Illidan asked, clearing his ear.  
  
'You heard me well.' the king answered flatly. 'This is the plush toy my father gave me for my fifth birthday.'  
  
'He must've spent a lot of golf to buy you _this_.' Maiev commented.  
  
'It wasn't _this_ big!' Arthas sweatdropped. 'Something enlarged it and threw in a meteor... Ait it destroyed the Frozen Throne...'  
  
He was greeted by several pairs of shocked eyes. He growled and took a step backwards, nearly falling over.  
  
'Way the go, Death Knight.' Anub'arak said. 'Congratulate your big mouth.'  
  
Arthas spent the next few minutes hitting himself on the head, despite Kel'Thuzad's protests, while the rest surveyed him with sharp and terrified looks. This was too much for one day.  
  
Defineatly too much.  
  
Due to that none spoke. The Throne was no more. The heart of the Scourge... Crushed by a meteor? This can't be... still...  
  
'Wait a minute...' Illidan said, sort of coming out of a coma. 'This thing destoyed the Frozen Throne?'  
  
Arthas nodded, defeated.  
  
'So this means that...'  
  
'Indeed.'  
  
They all turned around, to where the voice came from. They were right.  
  
Kil'jaeden.  
  
'It's all my work.' he said, sounding proud of himself.  
  
Calia raised her eyebrow. 'This?' she pointed at the Thing, which was now tightly hugging a hysterically yelling necromancer. Kil'jaeden nodded.  
  
Illidan coughed. 'Why the bloody hell would such a demon like you give life to an enlarged _plushie_?'  
  
'Why, it's simple.' the demon lord began to explain. 'You see, when you, Illidan, failed me,' he send him a sharp look, which the hunter fortuneatly could not see 'I decided to deal with things my own way.'  
  
'By sending a _toy_?' Kel'thuzad asked.  
  
'Exactly. I was sure that Arthas does not remember it, but I was hoping that his subconsiousness would prevent him from killing it. I raised its powers to be certain.'  
  
Furion slightly shook his head. 'The most stupid idea I've ever heard... still a successful one.'  
  
Kil'jaeden nodded, grinning proudly. He stood there just like that, while Calia turned to her undead brother. To her great surprise, Arthas was gazing at the cheerful Thing. His teeth and fists were clenched, and his eyes were... watering with tears?  
  
He instantly turned around: 'WHAT DID YOU DO TO EDDY?!'  
  
All the heroes sent him dumb looks. '_Eddy_?'  
  
Once more the knight hit himself on the head, biting his tongue at the same time.  
  
'Yes, I remember now.' Jaina answered. 'I remember Arthas calling one of his teddy's Eddy, but I had no idea it's _this_ one.'  
  
Calia nodded in confirmation. Arthas pur himself together and continued shouting at Kil'jaeden. Illidan sighed and shook his head, waving for all his friends and allies to follow him. They left the demon to be yelled ay by the furious king, and the princess to stand behind sweatdropping. Not long after the Thing took some of undead warriors and departed in an unknown direction through the barren battlefield.  
  


*******

  
No one knows what has happened to Eddy. Any search initiated by Arthas has failed, so the king finally gave it all up. All the heroes and world leaders decided to forget about the incident that involved the Big Hairy Thing and concentrate on the unfinished war.  
  
Now you can ask, who will win this war? What shall be the next moves of either sides? Will the Thing ever return? We will never know.  
  
On the other hand... who cares?  
  
    **THE END **


End file.
